Don't we ever get tired?

I know we're all tired.

Tired of tragedy. Tired of opening the paper and reading about the latest sad news. Tired of anger, tired of fear, tired of frustration, tired of crying, tired of banging against the same walls. Tired of shitty people and shitty things.

Even the most positive among us can find themselves drained at the end of the day.

So what happens when we bump up against something that makes us feel any of those things?

We rally, we rant, we name call, we point fingers, we make fun, we call for pain and punishment, we bring our own baggage to the table, we make people our cause to forward our own agendas, we project, we make people front page news who don't want to be and we let people be front page news when they don't deserve to be.

We stop listening to each other and forget that at the core, we often agree. We stop putting ourselves in other people's shoes. We stop seeing people and just see threats.

We forget that no one's story is the same as ours. No struggle, no need, no experience (no matter how similar) is exactly the same as ours. No reaction has to be exactly the same as ours.

We turn into the people we are rallying against. But it's ok because we know we're right.

Which is exactly what they think too.

Instead of looking inward at how we can do better, we demand that other people do better.

Instead of looking at how we can fix things, we demand that other people do.

We are more connected than ever and more disconnected than ever. With ourselves and with everyone around us.

I am tired.

The other day, while doing unavoidable monitoring of social media for work, I finally cracked as I watched a heated debate, that made news, regarding who in the city was more negative. Mocking and heated discussion ensued.

That's what we're debating now. Who is more negative, and whether it's our right to be.

As that rallied on, I watched someone else essentially demand that we all know everything, about everyone and everything, immediately, all the time. Quite obviously forgetting that sometimes due course and silence protect the innocent, not just the guilty.

But it was ok, because they meant well, forgetting they had an obvious agenda.

In between these petty debates was the tragedy we have all watched unfold, all over the world, every day. For months. For years.

I am tired.

In the history of man kind, we have fought and fought and fought.

And it has solved nothing. We are still having the same fights. A few surface issues have seemingly been solved but the root problems still fester just below the surface.

Why? Because we forget to start with ourselves. We never question what we are bringing to the table. We forget to look at the big picture.

What is the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing and expecting different results.

And we've been doing the same thing for a very long time.

We can watch a man tweet and play tunes on the guitar from space, but we can't creatively come up with better ways to get along, to solve our problems, to hear each other, to support each other, to heal each other.

We can't hold a door, share a smile, say something nice, make someone laugh. Forgive. Because we think that forgiveness is weak. That it only benefits the person you're forgiving.

Those small things are what add up to make change.

Listening, showing empathy, compassion, a sense of humour, becoming an example of what we want others to be.

I am tired.

So I am changing what I put into the world. When I speak, when I write, when I post or when I tweet.

When my first reaction is negative, I am walking away until I can think of a better way. And if I can't offer a solution, than I am not contributing to the problem.

Don't get me wrong. I am far from preaching. Read a few past blog posts and you'll see how quickly  I can let my emotions get the best of me. I can be angry. I can be mean. Because I am human and it's far easier to be those things in the short term.

I'm not going to try to get everyone to hug and make up, because that's not real. Holding hands and singing kumbuya is not real. Constant positivity is not real. Not feeling is not real.

There will always be crazy people, crazy events, sadness, tragedy.

But I can change how I react to it. What I bring to it. Whether I contribute to it. Whether I make it better or I make it worse.

I can change whether I make a person laugh in the run of a day, or whether I make them hurt.

I can take a page out the history books from those who did make change without violence. Without anger. Without becoming what they rallied against.

It's a learning process. It's a daily endeavor. It takes effort and work and it's not easy. Sadly, it doesn't always come naturally. But I am tired and I don't believe that we have any other choice.

So what will you put into the world today?

The lost art of manners

This past Friday, while making the trip home from Truro, I came upon a fatal accident that had just happened. The highway was immediately closed. They eventually re-routed us, and due to the addition of rush hour traffic, we ended up in a traffic jam like none I have ever seen.

I waited in four kilometers of traffic for over an hour, only to be turned around and wait in four more. This was just to get to an exit where the old highway was backed up from Enfield to Halifax. It was a nightmare and it took me over four and half hours to get home.

But I was patient, as were many around me. I wasn’t going to complain because, universe willing, I was at least going to get home, while two others were not.

I cried three times on that drive home. Partially from exhaustion, and partially because I felt for these two people and their families that I didn’t even know. 

But the polite, respectful behavior, and even a few smiles, from the people around me made the drive more bearable. Not so much once I got back to the city.

When I finally did make it back to the city I was drained. Emotionally and physically.

But I needed a new cell phone. Mine was dead to the world and I have no home phone. I knew it was Black Friday, I knew the mall would be insane. But I decided to brave it. Even though I hate holiday time at the mall because people can be assholes. It seems to come out more during the “season of giving”.

I braced myself when I was cut off in the parking lot and someone took the spot I was headed for. I held it together when twice a door was shut in my face instead of held for me when I was two steps behind. I responded with only a “you’re welcome” when the people that I held the door open for barged through without a “thank you”.

I stood in line for 35 minutes to talk to someone. That’s fine. I expected this. It’s Black Friday. I watched the two girls working get run off their feet. I watched various people push their way to the counter and demand that they get served without waiting in line. I listened to 35 minutes of complaining, bitching and moaning from the line behind me. I had several people push through the line without an “excuse me”.

Here is a hint to those who like to loudly complain: I did not want to be waiting in line either. I had a long day. I would have preferred to have been anywhere else. Listening to you complain, does not make the wait any easier. For you, or anyone around you.  If you do not want to wait, avoid the mall from perhaps October to February. Especially on Black Friday. The people working are not your bitches. They are people, trying to do the best they can with what they have.

Do us all a favor and shop online.

But I digress. Sort of.

When it was my turn, I gave the girl behind the counter a big smile and made a joke about the cranky people behind me. She looked at me warily and finally laughed when she realized I was actually making a joke. She looked beaten down.

When everything was said and done, she ended up upgrading some of my services without my asking. Simply because I wasn’t an asshole. I have worked in customer service and I know how much a smile or a kind word can mean from someone on a busy day.

It ended up being a decent experience because I chose to be friendly and polite. I never once lost my smile, even to the rudest people.

I will not get dragged to the bitter dark side. 

So I propose that during this holiday season, and maybe even all year round (gasp), we re-investigate the art of manners. The art of kindness. The art of patience. Because all three are tied together. The world does not revolve around any of us as individuals, none of us is more important than the other. Your actions affect countless others around you. It’s time we remembered this and became aware of it again.

Hold the door. Say “excuse me”, “please” and “thank you”. Smile at the cranky girl or guy at the cash register because maybe they have had a bad day. Maybe they are on the defensive for a reason. If someone is rude, smile and be polite back. If you find you have a long wait, sing a song, plan your grocery list. Or even take a few deep breaths and just be.

Sometimes it just nice to smile at a stranger for no reason. Maybe that’s all they needed that day.

The funny thing is, the kinder you are, the better it will make your day, not just someone else’s.